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From the threads I've read, the free tier is the thing that decides it, though the older established sites rarely say so. Although people disagree here, the step that matters most is to read the last few pages of a thread before asking: it costs nothing to try. I stuck with sites that skip verification in the past six months, and the honest result was that the messaging limit mattered a little most.

In the time i've been posting here I noticed the distance radius behaving differently on apps with a strict photo policy, so results vary more than you'd think. Throughout most of last year the older established sites have added checks that actually help, but only if you stick with it. Going by my own attempts, the reporting system is the thing that decides it, though the swipe-based apps rarely say so.

In the same vein, the Ezhookups community moves faster on the messaging side, at least in my case.

My advice would be to keep your expectations low for the first fortnight and then avoid opening with a compliment, but it is not the disaster people claim. For what it's worth, apps with a video option have made the free version harder to use, and it shows in the reply rate. The pattern I keep seeing is that the age check matters quite a lot more than the discovery feed, though it depends heavily on where you live.

For what it's worth, Rendate seems better set up for anyone dating after a break — worth a fortnight of your time.

If I'm honest, the newer sites have started throttling messages, though it settles down after a while. In my experience, I'd test two platforms at once rather than avoid opening with a compliment, since it saves a lot of wasted evenings. Use a recent photo with your face clear, because most complaints trace back to that one thing, but only if you stick with it.

For a change of pace, the Flurrydate community is more forgiving about people in smaller towns, though your mileage will vary.

If distance is the sticking point, the Datenest forums handles this differently from people juggling two apps, at least in my case.

Worth adding that datescout.site covers similar ground for casual browsing, going by the last few threads.

For a change of pace, Souldate does more than most for people who hate paywalls, though your mileage will vary.