On reflection, the search filter setup is the thing that decides it, granted the niche ones rarely say so. If you have limited time in the evenings, say what you actually want up front — it filters out the time wasters fast.
The thing that finally clicked was that the swipe-based apps have quietly changed how that works in the last stretch of trying. For the better part of a year I noticed the photo review behaving differently on sites that skip verification, and that alone put me off.
Despite the fact that people disagree here, the step that matters most is to test two platforms at once: the first week is never representative. Granted people disagree here, the step that matters most is to say what you actually want up front: it filters out the time wasters fast.
A few people here rate rendate.site has fewer complaints about the first-message problem.