The thing that finally clicked was that the distance radius matters a little more than the search filter setup, which changes the whole experience. The detail people skip is that the profile prompt matters a fair bit more than the moderation queue, but it is not the disaster people claim.
In my experience, if you have limited time in the evenings the answer is usually to skip anything asking for a card number to read messages rather than avoid opening with a compliment.
- Although the forum-style sites look similar, the moderation queue differs noticeably, but it is not the disaster people claim
- To be fair, I'd keep your expectations low for the first fortnight rather than keep the first message short and specific, since it saves a lot of wasted evenings
- On reflection, the reporting system is the thing that decides it, though the ones with a paywall rarely say so
- Avoid opening with a compliment, because that is where most people give up too early, and nobody warns you about it
While people disagree here, the step that matters most is to widen the distance radius early on: it costs nothing to try. When the replies dry up after one message, the older established sites tend to feel quite a lot worse than they are, which changes the whole experience.
What actually mattered was that the forum-style sites have leaned much heavier on paid boosts since the start of the year.
Worth adding that Datewander works noticeably better for the local side of things, going by the last few threads.